I admire directness, decisiveness, and bluntness. I also love
Hallmark Christmas movies, in which the characters have absolutely zero
of any of those qualities. Invariably, the characters fall in love and
then with two commercial breaks to go, they forget how to communicate
and have what should be a two-minute conversation but instead turns into
a "I never want to see you again and now I'm going to go cry and eat a
gallon of ice cream while sad Christmas music plays and I go home to my
mom/ grandpa/ best friend and cry about how we can never work out!!!!"
argument. And then of course with two minutes left, the mom/ grandpa/
best friend reminds one of them that hey, there's this thing called
talking where you can use your mouth and voice box to put your thoughts
into words that the other person can understand, and which helps resolve
misunderstandings -- and so Boy and Girl have the light-bulb moment
that yes, they do indeed possess those magical voice boxes and mouths,
and so they talk, kiss, and the credits roll (usually after they've
known each other for about three days).
Though I love
those movies for when I need some brainless holiday entertainment, I
hate the emotional stupidity of the characters. But watching one this
holiday season reminded me that I've had my own Hallmark
"why-am-I-being-so-stupidly-indirect-in-saying-what-I-want-or-what's-bothering-me"
moment....
A lot of couples go through the "are we
supposed to be calling each other boyfriend/ girlfriend yet" phase for a
while until it gets sorted out. My fiancé and I were no different,
dating (exclusively) for almost three months before either of us
actually used those words. But most people probably didn't have the
bf/gf issue resolved by the incredibly blunt sibling of an A-list actor.
Three months after we met, I was my now-fiancé's guest at the opening
night of a show he stage managed. I had a front-row seat and noticed
one of the actors was looking at me a lot. Afterwards at the opening
night party, I was annoyed that my date did not introduce me to a single
person there. If he talked to anyone when I was right next to him, the
other person would always look expectantly for an introduction, which I
provided myself. I remember walking home wondering why he had even
invited me, but not saying anything about it, just internally wondering
what the issue was, rather than, ya know, asking. Two days later, he
told me that when he got to the theatre for the show the following
night, the movie-star-sibling actor who I had noticed looking at me
during the performance had greeted him with "Hey man, was that your
girlfriend you were with last night? Because I'm sexually desirous of
her."
THAT's what Hallmark Christmas movie characters
need. A dose of pure directness in the face of ambiguity.... I asked
him what his response was -- and that's how my fiancé became my
boyfriend.
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