My mom: Well that's better than smelling like a rabbit and eating like a Dunkin' Donuts.
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My dad, while driving: You failed.
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My dad, while driving: You failed.
Me: Why? What?
Dad: We're going the wrong way. You're supposed to be stage managing. Yesterday you were all "I got this. I'll stage manage the map reading/directions like a cue book. I'm great at it." You're not supposed to let me get on the expressway going the wrong way.
Me: Oh. [yawn] It's 8:40am. I don't stage manage before 9. Right now I'm just a sleepy daughter in the backseat.
Dad: Thanks. Helpful. [Actually, he said something else, but this is the G-rated version...]
15 minutes later, after an exit, u-turn, and as he's taking the ramp to re-enter going the other direction, me: So get on going WEST here.
Dad: Gee thanks. And do you tell actors to enter once you see them on stage?
Me: Hey, still not 9am.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After three failed attempts by my dad to get on a poncho at a Niagara Falls attraction, and failed attempts by both my mom and me to help, which resulted in his head through an armhole, backwards, and upside down (and somewhere along the way one of his lenses popped out of his glasses), my dad: This is a Columbo episode. "He asphyxiated in front of 51 witnesses. Wife and daughter arrested. Smothered dad in poncho"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
While a family of four waited at the elevators on our hotel floor, the kids repeatedly making fun of their dad for farting, their mom said, "William, there are people here," and one of the boys replied, "I know. They won't get on. No one will get on with him. He farted so bad. Don't get on with him." They went on like this for awhile. So we didn't get on with them. We got on the next elevator -- where two floors down a woman entered and promptly farted and smelled up the whole car horribly. My mom and I avoided eye contact with each other and as soon as the elevator doors opened burst out in 3rd grade giggles. Me: "And here is an example of the rare correct use of 'irony:' Because we were trying to avoid a farty elevator car, we wound up with a super farty elevator car. Irony."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sitting in the bar at the top of the Skylon tower overlooking Niagara Falls at night, listening to a bar pianist race through "Piano Man," my parents: You probably could get a whole blog out of our experiences here.
While a family of four waited at the elevators on our hotel floor, the kids repeatedly making fun of their dad for farting, their mom said, "William, there are people here," and one of the boys replied, "I know. They won't get on. No one will get on with him. He farted so bad. Don't get on with him." They went on like this for awhile. So we didn't get on with them. We got on the next elevator -- where two floors down a woman entered and promptly farted and smelled up the whole car horribly. My mom and I avoided eye contact with each other and as soon as the elevator doors opened burst out in 3rd grade giggles. Me: "And here is an example of the rare correct use of 'irony:' Because we were trying to avoid a farty elevator car, we wound up with a super farty elevator car. Irony."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sitting in the bar at the top of the Skylon tower overlooking Niagara Falls at night, listening to a bar pianist race through "Piano Man," my parents: You probably could get a whole blog out of our experiences here.
Me:
Oh I've been keeping a running list of vignettes. [showing them the
"Notes" file on my iPhone that has become this blog post]
My Dad: The farty elevators! You could write about the farty elevators!
Me: No! That's gross.
My Mom: Yeah, don't write about that.
My dad, laughing: Yeah, I guess you can't write about that.
Me: Unh-unh. No way am I writing about farty elevators. That's someone else's blog, not mine.....
Me: I did write down the thing about you getting on the expressway going the wrong way though.
Me: I did write down the thing about you getting on the expressway going the wrong way though.
My dad: Oh but make sure to write that I asked for directions! See, men can ask for directions!
He asked for directions.
He asked for directions.
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