4:37 AM on bus taking us to set, in 2nd row aisle seat, as people slowly trickle on for a 5:00 AM departure. Most of the bus is empty.
Woman boarding, to me: Miss? [looking significantly at seat next to me]
Me: There's actually a big orange cone there.
Woman, with attitude: That's okay. We'll move it. [As I stand up to try to back out and let her do whatever she wants with the cone, she bends over me as soon as I stand up, without letting me get out of the the way of her and her cone-moving wrecking-ball-style mission. So her legs are keeping me from backing out, and my body is in the way of her getting the cone out.]
Woman: Move please.
Me: Well I was about to, but--
Woman [ratcheting up the attitude]: But now you are?
Me: ...No, actually, I was going to say but then you blocked me.
Her [ripping out the cone, which hit me in the leg, and landing it on my feet. She still can't actually get to the seat, because she hasn't backed out enough to let me out of her way.] But NOW you are.
Me, quietly: Well, I suppose that all depends on whether you remove the cone from on top of my feet.
~~~~~~~
4:48 AM, still on bus:
My inner voice: Oh, there's [actor I stage managed in a show some years ago and did a reading with the following year]. Should I say hi? He's going to have no idea who I am. Actors never recognize their stage managers more than a month later. I'd have to reintroduce myself.... Nah, I'll skip it and save us both the awkwardness.
~~~~~~~
8:30 AM in holding after breakfast and an hour and a half of wardrobe, hair, and makeup.
I deliberately chose a table to park where there was a guy I recognized as being sane, quiet, and not a complainer.
Slightly offbeat, quirky, older, extremely talkative woman uncomfortable with silence [who I will call Woman #1] after the guy got up, to the whole table: He's not well. He's mentally [makes "crazy" face]. [Leaning in gossipily] You know when they can't get SAG health....
Me: What?
Woman #1: He's crazy.
Me: He's fine. I've worked with him. Why are you calling him crazy?
Woman #1: Because they said it [pointing to other table]
Me: And why are they saying he's crazy?
Woman #2: I've worked with crazies. They're scary.
Woman #3: Is this guy scary?
Woman #4: Should we move? Do you think he's dangerous?
Woman #2: I had to move once to get away from a dangerous scary extra. He was talking about the devil.
Woman #3: Wooooah this guy's talking about the devil?
Woman #1: You never know who's dangerous.
Me: Wait. Why do you think he's dangerous? What did they say he did?
Woman #1: He was talking to himself.
Me: ....And?
Woman #1: I don't know.
Me: Maybe he's an actor. I don't think talking to himself makes him dangerous.
Woman #1: [shrugs] I'm just saying.
~~~~~~~~
10:30 AM
My inner voice: I really should say hi to [actor I worked with]. I mean, I did both a show and a reading with him... And he comments on my Facebook posts sometimes... so he probably remembers me... Then again [a different TV actor who I did a show with] and I interact on Facebook too, and when I ran into him he had to scroll through his phone's contacts while we chatted to come up with my name... which he finally used way too triumphantly when he found it.... I'll just pretend I didn't see him.
~~~~~~~
10:45 AM
Three women at my table are all making buggy-eyed kiss faces into their phones, while the older quirky lady is talking to herself with her mouth half-open and bug eyes and a little bit of drool dribbling from the corner of her mouth. The supposedly "crazy" guy looked around at them all with a raised eyebrow, got up, and moved his stuff to another table.
~~~~~~~
3:00 PM
Decided to say hi to the actor I worked with when we wound up near each other and made eye contact. I smiled, waved, and said hi using his name. He looked really confused, looked behind himself, looked back at me, made a weird face, was clearly really uncomfortable, nodded at me seemingly sure we'd never met, and quickly averted his face. I instinctively elected not to enlighten him and make him even more uncomfortable....
~~~~~~~
5:15 PM, after another background woman refused to be used as a child's mom:
Production Assistant, to me: Do you mind if I "mom" you?
Me: Sure, why not.
PA: I'll try to find you someone young enough to be your husband.
She failed, so I was a single mom. I started chatting with my fake daughter and her real mom, and it turned out my fake daughter taught herself how to tap dance by watching Fred Astaire and laying down a wood board in front of the television (as did I) and loves Ruby Keeler and Ginger Rogers and Eleanor Powell (as do I). When did I clone myself? Her real-life playground friend also happens to be the daughter of one of my favorite actresses. And this girl is a better conversationalist than any of the adult extras. Glad vain woman was too vain to be mommed....
~~~~~~~~~
6:03 PM, on a short break and near actor who didn't recognize me, wondering if I should go up to him and explain I'm not a crazy stalker but have worked with him:
My inner monologue: ....Or not. Dude just went around the garbage cans to avoid directly passing me. Pretty sure that one's a lost cause.
~~~~~~~~
6:07 PM
Extra on Non-Stop (a film I worked on a few years ago) I never once spoke to or met, though the shoot lasted roughly three months and we were there 12 hours a day, five days a week: You worked on Non-Stop!
Me: I did!
Me: Yep!
Him: Yeah, I recognize you. I did that too.
Me: I know, I remember! How are you?
Him: Good. Are you still dancing?
Me [wondering how he knows I'm a dancer]: Yep!
Inner monologue to myself: So my invisibility cloak that interferes with people's facial recognition abilities only takes effect when I'm stage managing. Good to know. Mental note: Figure out how to market super-effective stage management invisibility cloak to spies so I can become rich.
~~~~~~~
Post Script: After a week, the dude never did recognize me. Also after a week, the woman who started the gossipy fear of the man at the table was sitting by herself at a table. And perhaps most importantly (and accomplished in far less than a week) I am in awe of the talent and work I've had the opportunity to watch for hours and hours all week -- and the generosity and graciousness with which that talent has been displayed on what could, with other people at the helm, have been an extremely stressful set... and I can't wait to see the finished product.
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