Sound-off on the subway

A ride on the New York City subway is hardly ever boring if you're paying attention. My colorful train ride, as told through text messages to my fiancé:

>Big tattooed tough guy is blasting the Biebs on the train on his boombox.

>Do you think he knows it's a Justin Bieber song?  Or does he think Bieber is cool for grown men to listen to? 

>He's fighting for the airwaves with a 6'5" woman in an all-white spandex-and-taffeta too-tight mid-calf-length prom/ballroom dress with those white sandal boots I don't understand (I mean really, is it cold enough for boots or warm enough for sandals? Pick one, yo) and rainbow hair and 3-inch neon green nails.  She's yelling on the phone with lots of bad words inches (or feet if you count vertical distance) from a 5-year-old who is absolutely mesmerized by her. 

>Bieber radio dude has tattoos everywhere, including his hands. And wrists. That must have hurt.  Almost as much as listening to Justin Bieber.

>Everyone's looking back and forth between radio dude and the woman. Neither is acknowledging the other, but they're both pumping up their volume to outdo the other.

>Radio dude won the sound fight.

>Oo there's a new challenger!! Now it's radio dude vs. homeless man!

>Hey, this is like a dance-off but it's a sound-off!  Whoever wins the match-up faces someone new.  If someone beats radio dude, does that guy go against a new sound source?

>Meanwhile, I'm losing the smell-off with the man who sat down next to me.  I cede my territory to him.

>Radio dude has one yellow sock, one pink sock, and shower sandals.

>He also can't find the beat. Odd.

>Homeless man's out. Radio dude's still undefeated.

>Oo ok now his challenger is a dude preaching something or other about how we're all going to hell.

>Who's gonna win? Can anyone topple radio dude? (Said in the 60s Batman announcer voice...  Tune in tomorrow, same bat-time, same bat-channel, for the exciting resolution!)  Ah, so suspenseful.

>Radio dude can successfully rap while bopping his head to a beat that is nowhere near that of the song he's rapping. Impressive.

>Preacher dude's out. 

>AHAHAHAHAHHA. Radio dude has finally met his match. Little 100-year-old Italian lady with more wrinkles than a baby English Bulldog and lots of red red lipstick wins.  I knew as soon as she got on that she was a character.  So many colors!   "EXCUSE ME THAT'S LOUD! THANK YOU!"   And that was all it took.  She's got a variety puzzle book.  And a rainbow-colored purse.  I like her.  She's my kinda cool.

>Also, I now want a rainbow-colored purse.