In which I share some songs that in my entirely subjective opinion are just really bad.

Today I learned about the existence of two songs I had blessedly never heard before.  As I waited for my train this morning, I was treated to the musical stylings of a local man who might or might not have been drunk and might or might not be homeless, but either way he likes to hang out at the station and sing on a bench there (entirely on key, and in a better voice than a lot of people who do it for money, which he does not).  He always reminds me of this guy from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride:

Despite his pleasant enough voice and his ability to hit notes with his eyes closed and his head tilted back and the impression that he's only semi-conscious, his one weakness (or perhaps his greatest strength) is his inability to stay on the same song for more than a few seconds.  The man is the ultimate mashup machine. His song today as I approached the train tracks (sung in a voice that's one part James Taylor, one part Johnny Cash, and one part Jon Bon Jovi on a bad day) was the following:

There's more pretty girls than one
Yeah there's more pretty girls than one
Oh there's more pretty girls than one
Because the answer my friend
is blowing in the wind.

You big fat woman get your fat leg off of me
You big fat woman get your fat leg off of me
When she moves, she sets, she sets, she sets the city on fire

like a boiled egg

Yeah there's moo-oore pretty gii-iiirls..... than oooooone.

I got the Dylan and crappy Gavin DeGraw songs in there, but I had to look up the "pretty girls" and "fat woman" songs.  So now I know that out in the world there's a song that compares the way a woman moves to a boiled egg: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XelrCQSaJYg (sung by -- and arguably written by, depending on whom on the internet you trust -- one of my favorite singer-songwriters), and this little ditty, which I hadn't decided was bad until the female singer warbled the misguided girl power-but-wait-that's-incestuous lyric "Sister's gonna kiss my red ruby lips; I don't need no man" (which I suspect comes across slightly differently today than when it was written): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wo0MCQd7274

And now you do, too.

You're welcome.