LIRR People-Listening

From my train ride this morning....

Usually I read on the LIRR train in the morning.  But today, a guy two rows in front of me started making weird sounds that I think were coming from his nose, and I wasn't able to focus on my book because every time he made the sound, I envisioned lots of Mucinex-commercial germs floating through the air towards me -- which, disgusting as that image was, somehow didn't seem quite enough motivation that early in the morning and pre-coffee to give up my nice cushy seat and stand at the other end of the car.  So today instead of reading, I listened to the people around me... some of whom definitely belonged in my book....

Young woman with peroxide-blonde hair, bright orange/red lipstick, hole-filled purple t-shirt, hideous structured A-line prison black-and-white striped skirt, bare legs, and black and white/leopard print hi-top Vans sneakers, sitting next to an 80sish older gentleman who was wearing a flannel shirt and too-large patched-together flared-leg jeans and looked like he'd just stepped off a farm tractor:

Her: So, do you like food?

Him: Huh?

Her: Do you like food?  I mean, do you enjoy eating, or would you rather not?

Him: Well, yes.  I need food....  You see, the human body survives by eating food.  

Her: But do you look forward to your meals?

Him: ....Well yes, if I'm hungry....  You see when a human hasn't had food in a while, he gets hungry and looks forward to eating.

Her: *giggling flirtatiously*

Him: ....I like bananas.

Her: I don't have any bananas.

Him: I know.  I like bananas.

**Power goes out on train just as we start to pull in to Penn Station.  Lights go out and the train stops.**

Businessman calling out from his seat in the darkness in bad Scottish accent: "I canno' get more power to her, Cap'n!"

**Still in dark, train starts jolting forward in short bursts.**

Another businessman in the darkness, also in bad Scottish accent: "I found another dilithium crystal, Cap'n!!"

The two Scottys then started having a discussion about dilithium crystals in bad Scottish accents, but it was sadly too early in the morning for me to have enough brain power to capture it in all its Trekkiness.  Eventually one Scotty out-Trekkied the other, who dropped his accent and said, "Wait, what?  What does that mean?"  Then he got bored and stood up -- and got sneezed/blown/whatever-that-expulsion-of-snot-is-called on by Mucinex man.

....I guess I sure do miss a lot when my head's buried in a book....